Appreci-hating Ugandans

Unless you’ve been domiciled under the proverbial rock in recent times, then you should by now be well aware that there was a big fight in town. I am not talking about Bad Black vs. David Greenhalgh (aka Dumb White) or Kabakumba Masiko vs. Pretty Much Everyone. I am of course talking about the World Kickboxing Federation Intercontinental bout between Golola Moses vs. Andras Nagy. But I’m not here to discuss who won or lost. I’m here to address a larger issue.

Upon hearing of Besigye abdicating his FDC throne, Golola began training to become his replacement.

Even before the fight started, I found several people talking about how they wish Golola gets his ass kicked. First dwell on that sentiment for a second. A Hungarian champion flies to Uganda to challenge Golola and our won people wish abject failure upon our own representative! This is not mass murderer Joseph Kony. This is not a shady politician who has stolen money meant to prevent Ugandans dying from malaria and AIDS. This is a simple humble man who has trained long and hard in an attempt to try and be the best ambassador to Uganda that he can be in his chosen discipline.

Don't look for trouble before trouble looks for you...

Why are there so many haters? “He talks a lot!” Pardon my French, but so fucking what? So did Muhammed Ali. So does Jay-Z. And if anything, the boasts from these men and countless others merely served to increase their mass appeal. People need to understand this is a combat sport and the combat begins before reaching the ring. The most important element of a fight apart from physical fitness is the psychological fitness. When Golola makes grandiose statements that he trains by kicking down trees, he is not doing so because he is arrogant. It is to build a fear factor around himself so that he can intimidate opponents. Also to create humour for our amusement and to increase the profile of his sport which was pretty much dead until he came along.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Golola

But Ugandans are hating. With this type of attitude, is it a wonder that the Uganda Cranes recently fell apart against Kenya? As Ugandans, we must learn to love and support ourselves. Only then will we be able to conquer the world in every category we set out to dominate, whether in academics, sports, business or the arts.

Nagy is in trouble...

Alone In The Dark

Umeme. The name alone generates a strong feeling of revulsion upon its hearing. By now many of you will have sampled the track* that I dedicated to the Harbingers of Darkness. We all feel the pain and the strain of being abruptly plunged into the Stone Age again and again (hmmm, these days I even rhyme by accident). This time however, I’d like to focus on something a little more positive. FUN ways to spend our time while waiting for the return of curra!

1. It seems that most people’s default setting after load shedding, is to go straight to sleep. Why not spice up this activity by making sure you’re not alone? After all, this is one time where we usually switch off the lights voluntarily anyway. NB: I do not encourage either premarital sex or deviant behavior, so please make sure that you only do this with your spouse, capiche?

2. Deplete the remaining battery on your phone by calling the Umeme hotline and letting them know how much you’re enjoying their new improved Unlimited Darkness Package.

3. Since PlayStation is out of the question, you can relive your childhood by playing classics like Tag, Hide-and-Seek, Cops and Robbers, Mummy & Daddy, Matatu Candlelight Edition, Kwepena and others. NB: Apologies to anyone born in the 1990s. I know you had no real childhood and that the concept of non digitised games baffles you. Please bear with us.

Batman playing Matatu in the dark. He has to pick 5.

4. Become a superhero and fight crime. I think this is how The Dark Knight came about.

5. One disadvantage with electricity is that we spend all our time sitting in front of a TV, computer, microwave, PlayStation, etc.. Therefore, the darkness is the perfect opportunity to finally get some exercise into our daily routines. Although with the current situation of no current, you risk turning into the second coming of Billy Blanks (again, I apologise to any confused 90’s babies).

Billy Blanks is rumoured to be Golola's brother.

6. Practise telekinesis.

Alright, I’m out. Please give me more ideas in the comments section below. I’m currently watching a candle melt…

*PS: Here’s a link to my F.U.M.E.M.E joint, enjoy: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11053386