Archive for February, 2012

Valentine’s Vexations

Posted: February 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

A young man, dressed in burgundy jeans, red t-shirt and crimson baseball cap disembarks a boda-boda outside a flower stall. He joins the back of the long, bustling queue. It is nothing short of a frenzy and it is clear that the flower seller is ill-equipped to handle such a large number of customers. After all, how often do Ugandans buy flowers riyaleh?? 30 minutes later, our young Maroon Man hops onto another boda with a bunch of flowers that had been ignored by all the people ahead of him in the queue. He dodges the stares in town as people stare, point at him and laugh. If it were not for his black skin, his face would be a very visible shade of red too.

Not this Maroon Man

He visits his friend Ssalongo who owns a special hire taxi. He asks Ssalongo to lend him his spesho for the evening. Ssalongo agrees but of course, at an extortionate fee.  Our ruby baby drives the spesho to Mary Stuart Hall in Makerere to pick up his date for the evening. Her name wasn’t Scarlet, but the dress she wore, was. He hands over the card that today cost 9,800/= when every other day, cards in that particular shop never exceed 4k. He receives a warm embrace and a peck. They drive into town to a nice restaurant for dinner. It’s fancier than he could normally afford, but he had managed to borrow enough money to make it possible. However, when they arrived, they were told they hadn’t made a reservation and so would have to wait at the bar until a table became available. By the time they managed to get seating over an hour later, the buffet was cold and all the good stuff was already consumed. The total bill was also somehow slightly more than our Cherry Chum expected. Something to do with adding VAT. He used the money he had put aside for emergency petrol.Heart of Gold?

In the evening, they get back to Lumumba Hall. Our young hero had to pay his Valentine-less roommate to make himself scarce for the night. Our Ketchup Couple proceed to get intimate on the bed. The day in general had not gone according to plan, but at least it was finally paying off now. As our young man’s hand reaches under the lady’s dress, she stops him. She tells him that it’s that time of the month so they shall spend the whole night cuddling instead. The boy saw red.

Who is St. Valentine? Why does he have a day dedicated to him on our calendars? Why do we all get ourselves caught up in the hype, drama and expectation of this day? Is it even relevant to us in Africa? Perhaps someone should table a motion in Parliament to have this day abolished? Actually, with all the financial activity that occurs on this one day, that is one thing I am sure will never happen.February I'm Hustling...

Hope you all had a Happy Valentine’s day :-)

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Happy New Year

Posted: February 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

Happy New Year Enygmaniacs!

But really what is so happy about the New Year? The optimistic amongst us (like Oprah) will say that it’s a fresh opportunity for us to try and get it right in the New Year. Hmmm. Why? Just because we have thrown out our old calendars with all the bad memories of the previous 12 months? How about for those who’ve had a perfect year? Isn’t the New Year a period of foreboding? An opportunity to undo all the good from the year before? How do we prevent this from happening? Resolutions? The only resolution that works for me is HD1080p (it’s as if Rooney is actually in my sitting room).

Rooney at Namboole.

I think that waiting for the calendar year to end/begin before sitting down to assess challenges that need to be met and how to address them is a procrastinator’s game. This is an exercise that should be done internally on an almost day to day basis. Still, that won’t stop us all from joining in the fun, hey? For the record, I’ve already broken mine and I suspect most of you have suffered the same fate!

Let me wind up by sharing with you some random New Year quotes…

“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
-Anonymous

“New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”
-James Agate

“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”
-Eric Zorn

“Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.”
-Anonymous

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!”
-Joey Adams

“Good resolutions are simply cheques that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”
-Oscar Wilde

“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.”
-Jay Leno