How NOT To Love

One of the great things about being an (able) artist, is the adulation bestowed upon us by adoring fans. I can’t even pretend to be humble about it right now, it really is quite nice. Just picture for a moment being a teller at Stanbic Bank and receiving an email from a customer just to let you know that the cheque you cleared helped her to pay school fees in time for her son to sit his final exams and this has brought happiness and joy to them both. Or perhaps you are a traffic cop and you find a couple of young lads waiting for your shift to end so that they may recount with you how moved they were by the masterful way by which you controlled traffic and that they wish to be like you one day. We all deserve appreciation for a job well done whatever line of work we may happen to be in.

However, sometimes I feel as if rules and regulations should be introduced to govern the function of praise giving. It is very common for someone to insult you deeply and irreparably while they are actually genuinely attempting to extol your virtues. I’ve had people telling me I’m “Wow! Great like Rick Ross” or that I have “nice relics like Real Wearn.” Anybody who has been paying attention would know that I-Am an enemy of MMG* and YMCMB** respectively. I actively detest these two ‘artists’ to the extent that I recorded a diss track for Lil Wayne way back in 2009. If President Museveni was in the middle of a hardcore chaw and his lady, while marvelling at his physique and strength, were to say, “Wow your thighs are so strong! You must do a lot of walking like Besigye.” I suspect that the love session would come to a premature end. She could try all she wants to make up for the stress with an offer of massage, but I guarantee that story will not have a happy ending.

With the economy so tight that he has to walk to work, Besigye supplements his income by filling in for me when I’m on leave.

So people, please be a little informed when dishing out compliments. You may indirectly be dropping nuclear warhead insults instead. Oh wow, Zari has just walked past! I’m a big fan! I need to rush over and tell her how she’s as beautiful to me as Judith Heard…

*MMG=Maybach Music Group, which is headed by Rick Ross.
**YMCMB=Young Money Cash Money Billionaires, aka Young Money Entertainment which was founded by Lil Wayne.